Weekend Movies: August Is Here!

Behemoth Friday, Aug 1, 8pm ET (CC)
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo Fri. Aug 1, 10pm, Sat. Aug 2, 1:30am ET
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides Saturday, Aug 2, 11am, 4pm Clash of the Titans Saturday, Aug 2, 2pm ET (CC)
Force of Impact Saturday, Aug 2, 8pm ET (CC)
The Hangover Saturday, Aug 2, 10pm, plus Sunday, Aug 3, 2am ET (CC)
The Hangover Part II Sunday, Aug 3, 12am, 4am, and 10pm ET (CC)
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra Sunday, Aug 3, 10:30am and 3:30pm ET (CC)
Quantum of Solace Sunday, Aug 3, 1pm ET (CC)

The cast: Ed Quinn, Pascale Hutton, Cindy Busby
The Showcase synopsis: “Scientists discover a giant creature under the Earth that is wrapped around the entire planet. When the creature wakes up grumpy, it causes worldwide destruction.”

Lately, people have been talking about fracking for oil, and how it’s bad for humanity. That it leads to pollution, earthquakes, and all sorts of other nasty stuff. Fair points perhaps, but let’s not overlook the number one reason fracking is dangerous: it can unleash millennia-old subterranean monsters. The kind that get pissed off really easily. Not cool, frackers.
1 -- Behemoth
“Have you considered green energy alternatives?”

The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
The cast: Daniel Craig, Rooney Mara
The Showcase synopsis: “While working to solve a 40-year-old murder, a discredited journalist and a mysterious computer hacker discover that even the wealthiest families have skeletons in their closets.”

If the girl in this movie were like most women I see at the beach, she’d be called ‘The Girl with the Dolphin Tattoo.’ Or ‘The Girl with the Crudely-Drawn Rainbow Tattoo.’ Or ‘The Girl with the Tattoo Of Her Dumb Astrological Sign Nobody Cares About.’ Anyhow, you take my point.
2 -- Dragon Tattoo

Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
The Cast: Johnny Depp, Penélope Cruz, Ian McShane
The Showcase synopsis: “Jack Sparrow and Barbossa embark on a quest to find the elusive fountain of youth, only to discover that Blackbeard and his daughter are after it too.”

Whenever we air this fine film, I feel compelled to stress two things. 1) It features the most beautiful mermaids you’ve ever seen. And 2) these mermaids alternatively become the most terrifying mermaids you’ve ever seen. No, seriously – they’re scary as all get-out. Well played, Disney: you’ve finally created something more nightmare-inducing than the Jonas Brothers.
3 -- Pirates of the Caribbean On Stranger Tides
“I’ll be honest,” Jack confesses. “I’d much rather be looking at her.”

Force of Impact
The cast: Antonio Sabato Jr., Rae Dawn Chong, Michael Boisvert
The Showcase synopsis: “An astronomer must attempt to save the planet from an impending asteroid strike, despite the disbelief and outright hostility of the authorities.”

The sky is kinda like that silverback gorilla at the zoo: pretty fun to look at until it starts flinging crap at you.
4 -- Force of Impact
He’s right to look up: that’s probably where the impact’s gonna be.

The Hangover
The cast: Zach Galifianakis, Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms
The Showcase synopsis: “A Las Vegas-set comedy centered around three groomsmen who lose their about-to-be-wed buddy during their drunken misadventures, then must retrace their steps to find him.”

If you lose your buddy in Vegas, set him free. If he really loves you, he’ll find his way back. If he doesn’t, it was never meant to be. Unless of course he’s been drugged like the dude in this movie: then he’s legitimately missing and desperately needs your help.
5 -- The Hangover
Even the baby’s hung over. Crazy party!

The Hangover Part II
The cast: Zach Galifianakis, Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms
The Showcase synopsis: “Two years after the bachelor party in Las Vegas, Phil, Stu, Alan, and Doug jet to Thailand for Stu’s wedding. Stu’s plan for a subdued pre-wedding brunch, however, goes seriously awry.”

I was in Thailand about 20 years ago, and it’s a pretty crazy place. One time on the street I was pestered by a man who kept insisting I visit his ‘exotic club.’ “My women are very special, sir!” he kept repeating. “Very special!” He wouldn’t stop. Fed up, I stopped in my tracks, stared the dude in the eyes, and snarled. “Do you have a woman with three breasts?” I asked sarcastically. Without missing a beat, the man replied, “Yes. Yes I do!” To this day, I regret not finding out if he was telling the truth.
6 -- The Hangover Part 2
“Teddy’s still missing, but we found this cool monkey, so let’s call it a day.”  

Defiance Recap: 206 “This Woman’s Work”

It was once the city of St. Louis, Missouri. Now, in the year 2047, it’s called Defiance. The wild west meets the far future in a post-Apocalypse landscape that forces emigrant aliens and disenfranchised terrans to live in an approximation of harmony. The law in town, ex-soldier Joshua Nolan and his adopted alien daughter Irisa, is almost as unruly as the lawbreakers. Can the citizenry keep the peace amongst themselves long enough to prevent the true outside threat from consuming them all, destroying not just their town but their entire world? Watch the episode online here. Below, some highlights from the episode. [WARNING: SPOILERS, SPOILERS EVERYWHERE!]
Defiance S02E06-pic2
Irisa and Tommy: Bring your ex-boyfriend to work day

An intentionally menacing title for the latest episode of Defiance S02. “This Woman’s Work” (after the Kate Bush song) sees Irisa’s possession discovered by her ex-lover, Tommy, who catches her in the midst of an Irzu mission. Tommy has just quit working for Sheriff Nolan, and had come to tell Irisa goodbye. To say he’s shocked at what he sees is an understatement. Turns out to be a shocking discovery for the viewers too, as it’s revealed that the “sucking” process is not in fact killing the targets; if anything, there’s powerful evidence that it might actually be saving them. Tommy agrees to protect Irisa’s secret, by implication agreeing to assist her. This leads to his current girlfriend, Berlin, leaving him…and jumping right into bed with Nolan. That’s gonna end well.
Defiance S02E06-pic3
Favi Kurr, an obvious Quiet Riot fan, makes Datak Tarr look like a Brent Spiner fan

More interesting insights regarding Castithan culture in this episode, as we meet religious leader Favi Kurr, who reminds Stahma Tarr of women’s traditionally subservient role in their race and then threatens to have her placed on the “shaming rack” if she persists in meddling with the business of males. Always fascinating to watch simply for the Machiavellian calculations viewers can see behind her eyes and smiles, Stahma executes a brutal frame-up job, poisoning Kurr’s wife and making it look like he was the killer. A Castithan ends up on the shaming rack after all — the fool who messed with Stahma. Datak points out that she could have as easily framed him. “That’s right,” she says, and walks away. Still, she’ll need to be careful moving forward, and not assume that Datak is fully under her thumb. The mystery contents of a briefcase shown to fellow criminal Rafe McCauley suggest that payback is coming soon enough.
Defiance S02E06-pic4
Datak and Rafe: A briefcase filled with explosive potential

A third woman at work in this episode is an alien of the Gulanee race, a prisoner on a space ark that has crash landed outside of Defiance after orbiting the earth for 17 years. Not only are the Gulanee dangerous, homicidal creatures, but also they are former combatants against the humans during the Pale Wars — and even though almost two decades have passed since peace was achieved, the Gulanee does not know this. Almost 50 people are killed during its rampage before Nolan and Pottinger manage to take it out. But when they almost run out of time, Pottinger sends his faithful bodyguard  (and, truth be told, friend) Churchill to fight the creature, knowing that he will die. Watching Pottinger’s face trapped on the wrong side of the airlock is easily the episode’s most moving moment. There’s more humanity in this character every time we run into him. And ex-mayor Amanda is starting to notice, too…
Defiance S02E06-pic5
Pottinger watches in quiet despair as he sends his friend, Churchill, to his death

Watch new episodes of Defiance Thursdays at 10PM ET/PT.

Weekend Movies: Badass Female Lead Edition

Eagle Eye Friday, July 25, 10pm, Saturday, July 26, 12:30am and 2pm ET
X-Men: The Last Stand Sat. July 26, 3am, 4:30pm, Sun. July 27, 12:30am
Hurricane Hunters Saturday, July 26, 10am and 8pm ET (CC)
Double Jeopardy Saturday, July 26, 12pm ET (CC)
Mr. & Mrs. Smith Saturday, July 26, 10pm, plus Sunday, July 27, 3am ET
The Bourne Supremacy Sunday, July 27, 2pm ET (CC)
The Tourist Sunday, July 27, 4pm ET (CC)
Rambo Sunday, July 27, 10pm ET (CC)

Eagle Eye
The cast: Shia LeBoeuf, Michelle Monaghan
The Showcase synopsis: “Jerry and Rachel are two strangers thrown together by a mysterious phone call from a woman they’ve never met. Threatening their lives and family, she pushes the two into a series of increasingly deadly situations.”

People sometimes ask me why I don’t answer my phone all that often. Maybe it’s because I’m afraid some deranged sociopath is on the other end, waiting to put me through a series of dangerous scenarios, pledging to hurt my friends and family if I don’t comply. Either that or I just don’t feel like talking to you.
1 -- Eagle Eye
How badass is Michelle? Badass enough to work alongside crazy Shia.

X-Men: The Last Stand
The cast: Halle Berry, Anna Paquin, Hugh Jackman.
The Showcase synopsis: “When a cure is found to treat mutations, lines are drawn amongst the X-Men and the Brotherhood, a band of powerful mutants organized under the nefarious Magneto.”

I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: the X-Men should probably be called the X-People, ‘cause there’s a kick-ass female component at play here. There’s the scaly blue naked woman, the saucy sista with the grey hair, the ginger gal who can bend spoons with her mind or whatever, and the teenager who’s got grey hair too but not quite as much as the saucy sista with the grey hair. We’re talking more Girl Power than 50 Spice Girls.
2 -- X-Men The Last Stand
Anna Paquin’s mutant power: the ability to morph into Ellen Page.

Hurricane Hunters
The Cast: Daryl Hannah, Barclay Hope, Dylan Neal
The Showcase synopsis: “A brilliant scientist (Daryl Hannah) and a thrill-seeking reporter (Dylan Neal) fly into the churning heart of a storm that quickly swells to become one of the biggest hurricanes ever to strike American shores.”

Yep, it’s Daryl Hannah vs. hurricanes. And then former ain’t willing to kowtow to the latter, I’ll tell you that for free. Watch your back, hurricanes, ‘cause Daryl’s here to make sure you go back to where you came from. (Hell? The North Pole? I’m not very weather literate.)
3 -- Hurricane Hunters
Check out those hurricane-proof aviators.

Double Jeopardy
The cast: Ashley Judd, Tommy Lee Jones
The Showcase synopsis: “Libby Parsons discovers the husband she’s convicted of murdering staged his own “death” and framed her for the crime. Six years later, she’s ready to get even.”

Of all the Judds to star in a badass vengeance action flick, I think Ashley is probably the best choice. Mom Naomi is pushing 70, and sister Wynonna is a touch too Southern genteel. So yep, Ashley’s the way to go. Plus she’s the perfect combination of tough and beautiful, which don’t hurt none, y’all. Just sayin’.
4 -- Double Jeopardy
“I’ll take ‘Shooting This Guy in the Face’ for $200, Alex.”

The Bourne Supremacy
The cast: Matt Damon, Franka Potente, Joan Allen
The Showcase synopsis: “When Jason Bourne is framed for a botched CIA operation, he’s forced to take up his former life as a trained assassin to survive.”

Jason Bourne is back, and he’s more amnesia-y than ever! Which ain’t a good thing, since the CIA is hot on his tail. Poor schlub can’t catch a break, ya know? I mean sure, most of us have suffered severe, long-term memory loss at one point or another. And who among us hasn’t been relentlessly pursued by a shadowy arm of our nation’s government? But to endure both things at the same flippin’ time? Daaaaamn, son.
5 -- The Bourne Supremacy
Back by popular-ish demand, I present my patented Taco Bell Bourne Supreme.

The Tourist
The cast: Johnny Depp, Angelina Jolie, Paul Bettany
The Showcase synopsis: “Frank is an American tourist visiting Italy to mend a broken heart. Elise is an extraordinary woman who deliberately crosses his path.”

There’s intrigue! There’s mistaken identities! There’s style! There’s, uh, Europe n’ stuff! Not to mention two impossibly attractive lead actors (and Paul Bettany’s no slouch either, amirite, ladies?).
6 -- The Tourist
“Okay, time for a pretty-off. Annnnnd, GO!”  

Defiance Recap: 205 “Putting the Damage On”

It was once the city of St. Louis, Missouri. Now, in the year 2047, it’s called Defiance. The wild west meets the far future in a post-Apocalypse landscape that forces emigrant aliens and disenfranchised terrans to live in an approximation of harmony. The law in town, ex-soldier Joshua Nolan and his adopted alien daughter Irisa, is almost as unruly as the lawbreakers. Can the citizenry keep the peace amongst themselves long enough to prevent the true outside threat from consuming them all, destroying not just their town but their entire world? If you’ve not watched the episode you can do so here. Below, some highlights from the episode. [WARNING: SPOILERS, SPOILERS EVERYWHERE!]
Defiance S02E05-pic2
Arisa and Tommy: ex-lovers, both still brooding about a past gone wrong; moments from now, they’ll both be bleeding for it

An episode that takes it title seriously, “Putting the Damage On” sees numerous characters undergo massive mental and physical trauma. In the beginning, it appears ex-mayor current-madame Amanda is hitting rock bottom with her Adreeno addiction, as she starts to hallucinate the return of the man who assaulted her years ago. But then current mayor Niles suffers impossible visions as well, as does Doc Yewll. Sheriff Nolan, along with help from the still-at-each-other’s-throats Arisa and Tommy, finally solves the mystery: Each of the three victims has been suffering from malfunctioning EGO chips (Environmental Guardian Online), which read and record both conscious and subconscious memory. The new question, though, is: Who installed these military-issue chips, and why?
Defiance S02E05-pic3
Niles and “Connor”: the mayor’s old friend tells him their friendship was fake — all the more fake, given that Niles is hallucinating

Datak Tarr is, as ever, a busy and dangerous bee in this episode. Not wasting a minute after being deposed as Castithan crime lord by his own wife, he not only negotiates a tentative re-entry to his family household, but also strikes handshake deals with the local Irathient leader and, of all people, his enemy Rafe McCawley, the de facto true leader of the humans. “It’s time we take back our town,” he tells Rafe. For perhaps the first time ever, the two men agree. Expect an ugly comeuppance for not just Stahma Tarr but also Niles Pottinger and the corrupt EREP government. Something tells me that Rafe will be reversing both his demotion and eviction very soon.
Defiance S02E05-pic4
Rafe and Stahma: another all-business bath at the Tarr mansion

Some new, insidious revelations this episode concerning Doc Yewll’s shady past. Her alien race, the Votanis, experimented on numerous unsuspecting humans during the Pale Wars; based on some of the flashbacks various characters have experienced, it’s possible that Nolan, Arisa, very likely Amanda and others rank among them. When the doc’s own EGO chip malfunctions, she realizes what has happened: Niles ordered the device’s implant in Amanda, but he provided the doc with black market material — faulty material. She manages to withdraw both his chip and Amanda’s before permanent damage is done, but while she tells Niles that she removed her own, she has actually decided to keep it for the time being. Her own hallucination, a memory of a dead lover, is offering her a kind of penance for the horrors she has previously inflicted. Which is nice and all, but it still doesn’t explain what is her and Niles’s plan for the full-personality-and-consciousness download they have now successfully extracted from Amanda…
Defiance S02E05-pic5
The doc comes to the dreadful realization that the EGO chip she implanted in Amanda has also affected Yewll herself

Watch new episodes of Defiance Thursdays at 10PM ET/PT.

Weekend Movies: Snakes, The Dark Knight, And A Coupla Twisters

Twister ValleyFriday, July 18, 8pm ET (CC)
Wanted Friday, July 18, 10pm ET (CC)
The Dark KnightSaturday, July 19, 12:30am, 12:30pm, and 10pm ET (CC)
Treasure Guards MOW Saturday, July 19, 3:30am (CC)
Space Twister Saturday, July 19, 10:30am and 8pm ET (CC)
Superman Returns Saturday, July 19, 3:30am, Sunday, July 20, 1am ET (CC)
Sight Unseen Sunday, July 20, 10am ET (CC)
Snakes on a Plane Sunday, July 20, 2pm ET (CC)
Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance Sunday, July 20, 4pm and 10pm ET (CC)

Twister Valley
The cast: Meredith Monroe, Cameron Bancroft, Pascale Hutton
The Showcase synopsis: “Liz McAdams is haunted by the memories of a tornado that destroyed her home 25 years ago. Now a professional storm tracker, she and her family are in danger once again as another devastating twister rapidly gains momentum.”

Tornadoes are like luggage, termites, and pesky in-laws: it’s plenty hard to get rid of ‘em. Even a quarter century later when you think you’re in the clear – bam! Back they come, more jerkish than ever. Twister Valley is all about that. And hey, if you don’t like it, we’ve got a whole ‘nother tornado movie on Saturday. When it comes to tornado options, nobody’s got your back like Showcase.
1 -- Twister Valley
No offense tiny town, but my money’s on the giant twister.

The cast: Angelina Jolie, James McAvoy, Morgan Freeman
The Showcase synopsis: “A frustrated office worker learns he’s the son of a professional assassin, and that he shares his father’s superhuman killing abilities.”

Between Wanted and Mr. & Mrs. Smith, it’s clear Angelia Jolie knows a little something about being an assassin. In fact, should she ever retire from the acting game, I reckon she could carve out a nice on-the-side professional hitwoman career. In this economy, diversification is key.
2 -- Wanted
If anyone makes getting shot look sexy, it’s Angelina.

The Dark Knight
The cast: Christian Bale, Heath Ledger, Aaron Eckhart
The Showcase synopsis: “When Batman, Gordon and Harvey Dent launch an assault on the mob, they let the clown out of the box, the Joker, bent on turning Gotham on itself.”

Heath Ledger’s Joker is easily the greatest comic book villain in movie history. Remember when folks were all like, “Nobody could ever hold a candle to Jack Nicholson’s Joker”? Hahaha, what a bunch of rubes. I bet they feel pretty dumb these days. Pretty darn dumb. Anyhow, watch this movie: you haven’t seen it in a while and it still rocks.
3 -- The Dark Knight
“No but honesty, I’m worried you’ve been way too serious lately.”

Space Twister
The cast: David Sutcliffe, Mitch Pileggi, Erica Cerra
The Showcase synopsis: “As mysterious red cyclones begin tearing up a small American town, a reluctant teenage science prodigy and his father, along with a small band of high school delinquents, must re-engineer a science fair project to thwart the disaster.”

Our second tornado movie of the weekend. And there’s a twist: these twisters come from SPACE, bro! That’s some next-level tornado biz right there, I’ll tell you that for free.
4 -- Space Twister
Not affiliated with the board game Twister.

Snakes on a Plane
The cast: Samuel L. Jackson, Nathan Phillips, Julianna Margulies
The Showcase synopsis: “An FBI agent takes on a plane full of poisonous snakes deliberately released to kill a witness being flown to Los Angeles to testify against a mob boss.”

I saw this movie the weekend it hit theatres, and I regretted absolutely nothing about that decision. This film had everything: Sam Jackson. Snakes. A plane. Keenan Thompson for some reason. Heck, even a pre-famous Taylor Kitsch made an appearance (and hoo boy, you really don’t wanna know what the snake does to him).
5 -- Snakes on a Plane
Phone in ear, snake in hand – that’s the Sam Jackson way.

Ghost Rider: Spirit of Vengeance
The cast: Nicolas Cage, Ciarán Hinds, Idris Elba
The Showcase synopsis: “Still struggling with his curse as the devil’s bounty hunter, Johnny Blaze is recruited by a secret sect of the church to save a young boy from the devil.”

With a name like Johnny Blaze, you pretty much HAVE to end up as a flame-skulled motorcycle-riding superhero. What else are you going to be? A CPA? A pulmonary surgeon? Ruth’s Chris sommelier? Not likely, guy.
6 -- Ghost Rider Spirit of Vengeance
Somebody’s gonna have a rough time passing his emissions test.  

Defiance Recap: 204 ‘Beasts of Burden’

It was once the city of St. Louis, Missouri. Now, in the year 2047, it’s called Defiance. The wild west meets the far future in a post-Apocalypse landscape that forces emigrant aliens and disenfranchised terrans to live in an approximation of harmony. The law in town, ex-soldier Joshua Nolan and his adopted alien daughter Irisa, is almost as unruly as the lawbreakers. Can the citizenry keep the peace amongst themselves long enough to prevent the true outside threat from consuming them all, destroying not just their town but their entire world? Watch the episode online hereBelow, some highlights from the episode. [WARNING: SPOILERS, SPOILERS EVERYWHERE!]
Defiance S02E04-pic2
You saw it here first: ancient Canadian sport becomes outlaw costume in the late 2040s

Some noteable comeuppances in this episode of Defiance. It’s bad enough when Niles Pottinger and his police guard Berlin get robbed by masked bandits while travelling through the badlands. To make matters worse, the ruffians “strip” him of his rank. Though unjustifiable, it’s payback for various humiliations the EREP mayor has visited upon the town. Back in town, he assigns Nolan to get to the bottom of the matter, which includes recovering important mineral extraction mining equipment. All fingers point to Rafe, and sheriff Nolan is accused of corruption numerous times by deputy Tommy, who remains angry over his demotion. By episode’s end, Nolan saves the kidnapped Berlin’s life by taking a bullet for her. Seeing as she’s Tommy’s girlfriend, this bodes well for the team’s future.
Defiance S02E04-pic3
The police picked the wrong day to bully Datak — or did they?

Fresh out of prison, Datak Tarr wastes no time reestablishing his crime empire. He handily dismisses his wife, Stahma, who increased profits 20% in his absence. He then executes a member of his gang, to set a warning precedent. Finally, he does violence on his own son, Alak, for failing to side with him over Stahma. Power to him for showing remarkable self-restraint in the face of bullying militia, who go so far as to spit in his face. In this pivotal scene, Datak reaches for his trusty laser shiv, but opts instead to grab a handkerchief, wipe off the insult and even apologize. It’s a true moment of mature growth for this character; but is it too little, too late?
Defiance S02E04-pic4
Rafe’s mourning is interrupted by an eviction notice from Niles, the future’s least-diplomatic mayor

Arguably the saddest reversal of fortune this episode is that of deposed mine boss Rafe McCawley. It turns out his godson, Josef, was responsible to robbing the mayor’s convoy. The young man’s rationale involves legitimate concern that EREP mining policies are making underground work more and more dangerous, and that a massive accident lies just around the next corner. He urges Rafe to lead a rebellion and, though his godfather declines in the moment, we suspect that he will step up soon. Making matters all the worse is that Rafe is all-but forced to execute Josef. The mayor chooses to evict Rafe as petty revenge for Josef’s transgressions, and there’s little doubt that there will be major ramifications. Speaking of which: this episode concludes with Stahma leading a coup against Datak, who is savagely beaten by his own gang and humiliatingly thrown in the mud, for all Defiance residents to see. “You should have made me a partner,” Stahma whispers in his ear. Alas, Datak: she’s right.
Defiance S02E04-pic5
Stahma and Datak, partners in marriage but not in crime

Watch new episodes of Defiance Thursdays at 10PM ET/PT. Watch a trailer for 205 “Putting the Damage On” here.

Weekend Movies: Sharks, The ‘Matrix’ Trilogy, and Handsome-Arse Channing Tatum

Screamers 2: The Hunting Friday, July 11, 8pm ET (CC)
The Matrix Friday, July 11, 10pm ET (CC)
The Matrix Reloaded Saturday, July 12, 1am and 1pm ET (CC)
Malibu Shark Attack Saturday, July 12, 11am and 8pm ET (CC)
Matrix RevolutionsSaturday, July 12, 4pm ET (CC)
21 Jump Street Saturday, July 12, 10pm, plus Sunday, July 13, 3am ET (CC)
Catwoman Sunday, July 13, 2pm ET (CC)
Eragon Sunday, July 13, 4pm ET (CC)
Punisher: War Zone Sunday, July 13, 10pm ET (CC)

The Matrix
The cast: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss
The Showcase synopsis: It’s the freakin’ MATRIX – don’t act like you don’t know the plot.

Did you know Will Smith turned down the role of Neo in The Matrix? Oh, and he also turned down the role of Django in Quentin Tarantino’s Django Unchained. Which begs the question: is Will Smith some kind of crazy person? Quite possibly. That said, it’s hard to picture anyone besides Keanu Reeves at the centre of the Matrix trilogy. He’s cool as a cucumber, and hey, he knows kung-fu.
4 -- The Matrix Revolutions
“Well hello, bullets.”

The Matrix Reloaded
The cast: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss
The Showcase synopsis: “Neo and the rebel leaders estimate that they have 72 hours until 250,000 probes discover Zion and destroy it and its inhabitants.”

That’s right: it’s Neo and the gang vs. probes! And those probes better watch their probe backs, ‘cause you-know-what’s about to get REAL. Also, this movie’s got a sweaty dance party scene that’s pretty sexy. Plus, there’s like a jillion Agent Smiths at one point. Sweeeeet!
1 -- The Matrix
School photo: Matrix High, Class of 2199.

Malibu Shark Attack
The cast: Renee Bowen, Remi Broadway, Joel Amos Byrnes
The Showcase synopsis: “When a tsunami floods Malibu, it brings with it a hunting pack of deep-water, prehistoric goblin sharks that go after the lifeguards in their half-submerged station on stilts and a team of construction workers stranded in a flooded house.”

Last weekend we brought you Avalanche Sharks, a poignant, thought-provoking film about sharks taking over a ski resort (and not in an administrative way!). Keeping with that theme, here’s Malibu Shark Attack, a poignant, thought-provoking film about sharks taking over one of L.A. County’s more high-end beaches. You’re welcome. 3 -- Malibu Shark Attack
Tip: sharks are less likely to attack when you’re on dry land.

The Matrix Revolutions
The cast: Keanu Reeves, Laurence Fishburne, Carrie-Anne Moss
The Showcase synopsis: “The human city of Zion defends itself against the massive invasion of the machines as Neo fights to end the war at another front while also opposing the rogue Agent Smith.”

It’s embarrassing to say, but I’ve never seen The Matrix Revolutions. Having enjoyed the first two flicks, I’ve always meant to get around to it. But sometimes life gets in the way. Heck, for all I know, the trilogy ends with Neo and Trinity opening up a tasteful bed and breakfast in rural Zion. Hmm, could that be the actual epilogue? Guess I’ll find out this weekend!2 -- The Matrix Reloaded
Fan of rainy day face punching? We’ve got ya covered.

21 Jump Street
The cast: Jonah Hill, Channing Tatum, Ice Cube
The Showcase synopsis: “An undercover police unit consisting of young-looking officers infiltrates high schools to control youth crime.”

I used to watch the 21 Jump Street TV series as a teenager, and it was pretty awesome. Such great performers: Johnny Depp, Peter Deluise, that one dude who was in The X-Files for a while, and uh, those other folks. Great show! Anyhow, think of this movie as more of a spinoff than a remake. And yep, two of the guys listed above make a hilarious cameo appearance (hint: it’s not the X-Files dude).
5 -- 21 Jump Street
Channing Tatum gets more handsomeness done by 8am than most of us do all day.

The cast: Halle Berry, Benjamin Bratt, Sharon Stone
The Showcase synopsis: “A shy woman, endowed with the speed, reflexes, and senses of a cat, walks a thin line between criminal and hero.”

Here’s some trivia that just occurred to me: In Catwoman, Halle Berry’s co-star is Sharon Stone. And a decade earlier, the name of Halle Berry’s character in the live-action Flintstones movie was – wait for it – Sharon Stone. COINCIDENCE? Yeah, probably. But still, kinda weird, right? Anyhow, watch Catwoman this weekend: it’s one of those ‘so bad it’s good’ flicks.
6 -- Catwoman
“Stare-off! Loser wins the Razzie award.” 

Beauty and the Beauty on ‘Deja Vu’

Wow guys what a season! From Amnesia, to kidnapping, to houseboats, to Thanksgiving, to fake Dad’s and bachelorette parties, Ancestors, gems, cheating, dungeons, love triangles, serums, MURDER, first kisses and of course last kisses…I could go on. Obviously, we fans are the best (jkjk you guys are) so thankfully,  we will be back for more in S3! If you’ve not yet watched the Season Finale you can do so here. Otherwise, read on for our episode commentary.

HELLOOOO Happy 22nd episode of season 2!! We’ve been doing this since OCTOBER

We’ve really killed it this year – it’s been a pleasure

Oookay sooooo as I predicted would happen, Gabe is a BEAST. And a nasty one at that

The worst beast

Not the kind, gentle, beast-lover that Vincent is

He actually destroyed his whole life because he was jelly of Beast and Cat

What a loser! K Let’s do this!

During the recap:

Umm snap that collar on Gabe! Call it a day

So we’re moving back to the gem plot

My least fave

I like it! I bet next season will be history heavy

Gabe is the scariest Beast.

Yeah for sure

The Finale opens in NYC 1854, with a beast growling down on the city
NYC 1854
Ohhh flashback?



Beast just hanging out on a castle

Too much

Vincent and Cat, in old timey costumes and hair, fight off an ensuing death squad in 1854.

HAHAHA oh NOOO that hair is back!1800s hairChristine:

You know how I feel about that 90′s catastrophe
trust no oneChristine:
omg that haircut I can’t.

The further you go back in the past, the more mushroom it is.1800s hair 2Sarah:

This is actually hilarious. I love how their ancestors looked exactly like them! Unless it’s a dream

Nah, they just took their disguises to the next level and are acting out the diary in Cat’s apartment

Boom! Dreamboom dreamCat wakes up suddenly, and we find it was a dream. Vincent rolls in and tries to get her to stop with the Rebecca Reynolds journal.

Boom ABS
pecs abs
BOOM ROBE. This finale has it all!

Bringing it. So he has moved into her place then?

I guess so – he’s not on the run anymore

Cat tries to convince Vincent that Rebecca’s story is exactly like theirs. She is convinced their challenges are not over.

He adores that robe

I adore that robeI love this robeSarah:
They don’t even know that Gabe is hanging out on their roof beasting out against Vincent’s abs.
we're freeChristine:
They have no idea! Where are Tess and JT?

At the door?
Woop there they are. Well, there JT is.

JT comes over to let the freeloving lovebirds know that Gabe is a beast on the loose. Turns out Cat was right, and Gabe remains a threat after all.

I love that Vincent is FREE!
Sweet sweet freedom
Free manChristine:
Gabe can blur!

On their way over to Beth’s crime scene, JT explains that Gabe is a badass beast and is super powerful.
Beth Death
Poor Beth – HARSH death girl
Just FYI, Tess and I have the same hair now…and 1800′s Vincent LOL

Who wore it best?
Is this really Gabe’s plan? Just ripping out hearts?

I think so. He’s a mad man

The team tries to stop Vincent from losing control and going after Gabe. When Cat calls Agent Knox to see if he can help, they find that Gabe has already got to him.
Get yer nails did
NOOOOO not Agent Knox! Algh GABE.
HA~ a growl into the phone! She understands Beast so it’s all good
Gabebeast on phoneChristine:
Was that “I want you back” in Beast or “make sure you tip the maid”? My beast is rusty.

Upon this affirmation, Vincent is off in a shot after Gabe.

Is Vincent gonna kill him

I hope not. He needs to prove he ain’t beastin’ like that

WWRD (What would Rebecca Reynolds do)

With Beast-Gabe after Vincent, Cat is more confident than ever that history is repeating itself. JT has run the numbers on Gabe’s beast side and discovered that Gabe has the beast-means to kill Vincent. Cat visits her Dad in jail to see if he has any answers.

OH great – Reynolds and his old school ideas about beasts

Sooooo old fashioned
beast adviceSarah:
Just rotting away in a classic jail cell waiting to divvy up some crotchety beast advice

He explains that if Vincent crosses the beast line, all of his morality and humanity will be lost. Dad advises Cat to keep Vincent away from Gabe at all costs.

If there’s no going back once you’ve gone full beast, how is it that Vincent has been able to go back like 500 times

I am not totally sure?
How are they going to trap Gabe?

Back in the old timey timeline, Evil Beast and Alistair have a beast battle of their own.

OHHHHHHHHHH classic beast off!
This is the best

You love these growls

I want my ringtone to be a beast growl

Alistair gets shoved out a window, where Rebecca is there waiting for him. Back in 2014, Gabe hangs out on a street corner, waiting for Vincent to come after him so that he can kill him.
gabe in china town
Gabe is just hanging out like nothing is wrong!


Well he looks like a total psycho talking to his latte like that
Talking to a LatteChristine:
Yeah he’s crayyyy

Just as Vincent approaches Gabe, he is taken down by Team ‘TessT’, the reliable tranq dart squad.

Good ‘ol tranq gun! Right in the middle of the street
No one bats an eyelash. Wait why are they tranqing him?
tranqd in the streetSarah:
Because Gabe is stronger than V and Gabe will kill him. And they need a better plan

Oh I get it

At JT’s, Cat continues to try and convince the gang that history is repeating itself. She wants to try to capture Gabe without Vincent’s help.

Oh boy Cat just as crazy unfortch


Obviously, the ONLY thing that works is LOVE
They need to stage a snuggle-in with that l’il sleeping beast!
sleeping beastyChristine:
Awwwww. Tuck him in!

Cat decides to use Vincent’s blood to set a trap for Gabe. She delves back into Rebecca’s story to figure out how she can try to protect Vincent while she is going after Gabe on her own.

Loving these old timey tales

Same! Great old timey dress
old timey dressSarah:
What’s the plan here


Cat repeats the actions of Rebecca and traps Vincent in a cell with the gem so that he cannot escape.trapped
I don’t like Vincent trapped like a rabbit like this – Gabe will kill him in a heartpull

How do we even know the journal is legit

I can’t get on board with this

That’s a powerful jewel

At the precinct, Tess convinces Warden to get all hands on deck for when they do manage to trap Gabe. He has his concerns.

My ass flapping in the breeze?!!!

Ewww I pictured it

That is an unflattering picture
ass flapping in the breezeChristine:
I just pictured it again

Just a huge fart? I guess?

Where is the emoji for barfing?

Cat meets up with Tess and they go over the plan together. They also try to squeeze in a conversation about their boyfriends.

This feels wrong. We need Vincent

Cat needs to throw out that journal

And just follow her instincts! And enough with “the one” ladies – just live your lives

hahah right?

Meanwhile, in separate timelines, both Vincent and Alistair, try, unsuccessfully to break out of their jail cells.

Will he break out? That’s gotta hurt

How is he doing this with the jewel right there

I think he just has weak beast powers
She needs to release him don’t you think?

As Cat spreads around Vincent’s blood, she has flashes of Rebecca’s diary, in which Alistair’s ultimate demise is death…
Kill the beastSarah:
I am feeling very stressed out
Oh no Alistair!!!!

It is at this moment that Cat realizes she needs to execute this mission WITH Vincent, and she races back to the cell to free him.

Well in modern day they wouldn’t burn Vincent at the stake so she shouldn’t be so worried. Worst case they lock him up and he escapes

Yeah true that
sorry I trapped youSarah:
Gabe is going to show up here and it’s going to be a blood bath. She doesn’t even have a gun!ForgivenChristine:
She has a beast!

He isn’t a strong enough Beast. BUT they are strong enough TOGETHER

Gabe does NOT show up in the dungeon. Cat and Vincent make up and head to JT’s to collect the evidence.

Do you think they got in a quick bang before showing up at JT’s

Oh no
sorry JTChristine:

It’s not by the neck so no?

Oh ok

Fuck’n Gabe

Heaven’s to betsy! I was scared! Don’t fck with JT!

Heaven’s to beasty!


Vincent beasts into Doc mode to help JT. Tess comes in a wigs out; is devastated that she was mean to JT prior to him getting shredded up by Gabe.
I was so mean
Was Tess actually mean?


She is just a hardcore badass

Like the Bey song, she’s a grown woman

Not sure of that song….but….
Gabe is the WORST

Just a monster

What will he do once everyone is dead? Like, what will he do with his life?

Cat finds Vincent outside and convinces him that unless they tackle the Gabe problem together, he AND everyone he loves will be destroyed.

Shouldn’t Gabe be able to track Vincent?
come out come outChristine:
Is that what blur does?

Blur is running away fast

Gabe finds Vincent at the pool hall and Vincent calls him out on not being able to handle rejection.

Rejection is exactly Gabe’s problem. What a loser

I know right
beast on beast
Fuuuuck they are wrecking all that booze

beast VOICESarah:
Vincent don’t get distracted
Do you hear sirensSarah:

Nailed it!!! Beast collar!!!
prison glamCat manages to collar Gabe just in the knick of time. She let’s him know that they’ve compiled all of the evidence against him and that the police are there waiting to arrest him.

dead on a pool cue
I would have preferred him in jail dammit
I can’t believe it!!! Cat Killed GABE!

He’s dead!
I can’t handle that collar
gabe deadSarah:
As a doornail

Bye gabe!

Vincent is freeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

For now

At the precinct, Breezeflap congratulates Cat and Vincent on a job well done, and gives Cat her badge back.
Cat got her badge back – nice

Can’t wait for the inevitable CLIFFHANGER

Maybe Vincent will join the police force too and they can go into work together.

VinCat race to the hospital, where Tess tells them that JT is not going to make it.

Vincent’s gonna doctor up! Save JT

Shit. Do you think they will make him a BEAST?!

When a bunch of hospital alarms go off they race into the room to find…
JT code blue

That was a cruel joke making us think he was dead as a doornail

Wait who is that?
Beast DocSarah:
That is the Beast doctor no?!

Why is the music ominous…I don’t remember him
I want a BATB mash up of all the time gummies are mentioned/appeared on the show


Vincent and Cat meet with the government agents who were responsible for saving Vincent and putting through his exoneration. They ask Cat and Vincent to join their team.

This is interesting…maybe they will be the cross-species vigilantes.

Like X-Men

Love it, the “B-Team”
You think JT will just be like a fun furry lil beast?

Like an ewok?

They walk away saying that they will think about it.

This is nice. A nice hangoutkickass boyfriendChristine:
Maybe they’ll move back to the suburbs?

He IS a kickass boyfriend!


kissing on a benchChristine:
Gross cute

Is romance the cliffhanger!?
That’s nice

Very nice

S3!!! Can’t wait!

It’s gonna be epic!
What do you want to see? I’d like to see more 1800′s

Well, I can’t wait to see JT as a beast and I wouldn’t mind a Cabo bottle episode…or some sort of travel

Oh for sure!

Shark mashup? lol

Beast vs Shark

That’s it for us beasties! Thanks for coming along for the ride with us – we truly hope that you’ve had as great a time as we have. Our commenting system is OFF at the moment (I know, bummer), but please let us know on Twitter or Facebook, what you thought of the finale, what you would like to see in S3, and of course, what your fave part of the blog was ;)

Love you!

Defiance Recap: 203 “The Cord and the Ax”

It was once the city of St. Louis, Missouri. Now, in the year 2047, it’s called Defiance, The wild west meets the far future in a post-Apocalypse landscape that forces emigrant aliens and disenfranchised terrans to live in an approximation of harmony. The law in town, ex-soldier Joshua Nolan and his adopted alien daughter Irisa, is almost as unruly as the lawbreakers. Can the citizenry keep the peace amongst themselves long enough to prevent the true outside threat from consuming them all, destroying not just their town but their entire world? Watch the episode online hereBelow, some highlights from the episode. [WARNING: SPOILERS, SPOILERS EVERYWHERE!]
Defiance S02E03-pic2
Irisa can run but she can’t hide from Irzu — and it’s entirely possible she’s running/hiding from herself

Some major insights this week as to Irisa/Irzu’s role not just in the frontier town of Defiance but on earth itself. Originally thought to be a younger version of Irisa — in my opinion, still entirely possible — Irzu is an Irathient deity but also, possibly separate, a soldier dispatched 3,000 years ago to lead the first wave of ecoforming our planet. Yep, it’s a hostile takeover and it looks like it’s part of Irisa’s genetic programming (not clear yet whether this applies to all members of her race). After brutally and for the most part inexplicably murdering the Tarr family’s servant Bertie, Irisa does manage to resist the imperious will of Irzu and actually eject her from her body: a massive silvery, flatwormish creature emerges and starts jumping, orally, from host to host, theoretically bringing Irisa back to “normal,” though my bet is that she’s not completely clear yet.
Defiance S02E03-pic3Nolan and Amanda: Love is the drug — but so is Adreeno

There’s a saying about how the mighty have fallen, and in Defiance S02 we have seen this happen to Datak, Rafe, Yewll and many others. For ex-mayor Amanda, though, it’s more of a case of the how the nice have fallen. Reduced to running her sister’s brothel, this former beacon of purity has now become a drug-addled Madame who, perhaps understandably, only copes with her “job” by taking the illegal Adreno/Blue Devil drug that the Castithans sell on the black market. It’s sad to not just see one of the town’s very few decent people subjugated and drawn down a dark path out of a misguided faith that her missing sister, secretly killed by Stahma, will return. It’s sadder still to see her get drawn into the web of the corrupt current mayor, Niles, already her stalker, now her supplier…
Defiance S02E03-pic4
Datak and the Doctor: The enemy of my enemy is my friend, and this pair travels on a two-way street

“THE MASTER RETURNS!” Now, there’s an understatement. These are Datak’s first words after being released from prison — not the way he expected, which was as the mayor’s criminal associate, but as Doc Yewll’s criminal associate. It’s clear that this former crime boss won’t sit still and let Niles take over his former drug trade, but first he has business to attend to at home. In a brutal sequence at episode’s end, Datak arrives at the Tarr family home and enters the bath, where his wife and son are performing what we’ll politely call a ritual cleansing (oh, those Castithans!!). He announces his presence, greets his family with smiles, then attempts to drown his wife as payback for her usurping his empire in his absence. In the end, it’s not clear whether she is alive because their son interferes with the drowning, or whether he is teaching her a very ugly lesson. Regardless, Datak is back, and we can expect bloody repercussions next episode, and beyond.
Defiance S02E03-pic5
“Irzu” not only jumps from host to host but is also a great kisser

Watch new episodes of Defiance Thursdays at 10PM ET/PT.

Weekend Movies: Independence Day Edition!

The Philadelphia Experiment – Friday, July 4, 8pm ET
Terminator Salvation – Fri.July 4, 10pm, Sat. July 5, 3am and 4:30pm ET
The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor – Sat. July 5, 12:30am & 3pm ET Avalanche Sharks – Saturday, July 5, 10am and 8pm ET
The Scorpion King – Saturday, July 5, 12pm ET
Hall Pass – Saturday, July 5, 10pm, plus Sunday, July 6, 2:30am ET
Good Luck Chuck – Sunday, July 6, 12:30am ET

The Philadelphia Experiment
The cast: Nicholas Lea, Michael Paré, Ryan Robbins
The Showcase synopsis: “A secret government research project tries reviving the World War II “Philadelphia Experiment,” which was an attempt to create a cloaking device to render warships invisible. When the experiment succeeds, it inadvertently brings death and destruction to the 21st century. It’s up to the sole survivor (Lea) of the first experiment and his granddaughter (Ullerup) to stop it.”

Okay, that’s easily the longest Showcase synopsis I’ve ever stuck into one of these here Weekend Movies blogs. But hey, sometimes a cool flick can’t be summed up in ten words or less. Especially when you’re doing a time travel sequel to a time travel movie. I mean, try explaining the awesome Back to the Future II in a single sentence. Not so easy, my friend. Not so easy.
1 -- The Philadelphia Experiment
Explain all of these scenes in ten words. I dare you.

Terminator Salvation
The cast: Christian Bale, Sam Worthington, Anton Yelchin
The Showcase synopsis: “After Skynet has destroyed much of humanity in a nuclear holocaust, a group of survivors led by John Connor struggles to keep the machines from finishing the job.”

What’s great about Terminator Salvation is how dark the darn thing is. We’re not dealing with some lovey-dovey Terminator palling around with a kid while trying to learn how to become more human. Blargh! Nuts to that biz. Nope, this is a dystopian movie about killer robots that have no qualms about removing your face from the rest of your body. Now those are the kinds of Terminators you can set your watch to!
2 -- Terminator Salvation
Bonus: nobody in this film utters the phrase, “Hasta la vista, baby.”

The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
The cast: Brendan Fraser, Jet Li, Maria Bello
The Showcase synopsis: “In the Far East, Alex O’Connell, the son of famed mummy fighters Rick and Evy O’Connell, unearths the mummy of the first Emperor of Qin — a shape-shifting entity cursed by a witch centuries ago.”

Some people think of Brendan Fraser’s Rick O’Connell character in the Mummy movies as a poor man’s Indiana Jones. I find this disrespectful. I prefer to think of Indiana Jones as a very rich man’s Rick O’Connell. P.S. Watch this movie, it’s hella fun.
3 -- The Mummy Tomb of the Dragon Emperor
“You want a piece of this, mummy?!”

Avalanche Sharks
The cast: Kate Nauta, Emily Addison, Mika Brooks
The Showcase synopsis: After a horrific avalanche, the staff at Twin Pines Ski Resort start to receive reports of missing people and creatures that move beneath the snow. Which leads to disaster on their busiest day of the year: Bikini Snow Day.

The fact these avalanche-dwelling sharks could disrupt the holiest of U.S. holidays – Bikini Snow Day – is a testament to their innate evilness. Not cool, sharks. Your time is gonna come, and it ain’t gonna be pretty.
4 -- Avalanche Sharks
No apres-ski for this guy, amirite?

Hall Pass
The cast: Owen Wilson, Jason Sudeikis, Christina Applegate
The Showcase synopsis: “Rick and Fred, two husbands who are having difficulty in their marriages, are given a Hall Pass by their wives: for one week, they can do whatever they want.”

Sheesh. These guys! Such shenanigans. All of the shenanigans, in fact. Sheesh. These guys!
5 -- Hall Pass
The deadliest part of the Resident Evil universe: sentient bratwurst.

Good Luck Chuck
The cast: Dane Cook, Jessica Alba, Dan Fogler
The Showcase synopsis: “In order to keep the woman of his dreams from falling for another guy, Charlie Logan has to break the curse that has made him wildly popular with single women: Sleep with Charlie once, and the next man you meet will be your true love.”

Here’s the reason I like this movie: I’m a real-life Good Luck Chuck. On no less than three occasions, women I’ve dated have gone on to marry the next guy they’ve met. That’s kinda weird, right? Does it make me an awesome good luck charm – like ol’ Chuck here? Let’s say it does. Ladies?
6 -- Good Luck Chuck
That scene where Jessica Alba and Dane Cook hang out with a shirtless dude.