Weekend Movies: And So Cometh June

Chupacabra vs. The Alamo – Friday, May 30, 7pm ET
Inglourious Basterds – Friday, May 30, 10pm, Sat. May 31, 1:30am ET
Goodnight for Justice – Saturday, May 31, 10am and 6pm ET
Grown Ups – Saturday, May 31, 12pm and 4pm, Sun. June 1, 12:30am ET
Jack and Jill – Saturday, May 31, 2pm ET
Goodnight for Justice 2: Measure of a Man – Saturday, May 31, 8pm ET
That’s My Boy – Saturday, May 31, 10pm, plus Sunday, June 1, 2:30am ET
Murder in My House – Sunday, June 1, 11am and 6pm ET
Eragon – Sunday, June 1, 1pm ET
Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides – Sunday, June 1, 3pm ET

Inglourious Basterds
The cast: Brad Pitt, Diane Kruger, Eli Roth
The Showcase synopsis: “In Nazi-occupied France during World War II, a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as “The Basterds” are chosen specifically to spread fear throughout the Third Reich by killing Nazis.”

You have to admit, it’s kinda fun watching those dastardly Nazis get their butts handed to them six ways to Saturday. Buncha jerks!
1 -- Inglourious Basterds
The Basterds are at their most inglorious when lined according to height.

Grown Ups
The cast: Adam Sandler, Salma Hayek, Kevin James
The Showcase synopsis: “After their high school basketball coach passes away, five good friends and former teammates reunite for a Fourth of July holiday weekend.”

My high school gym teacher made me play basketball for four straight years, and I hated every single excruciating moment of it. Were he to pass away, I’d feel sad, but not enough to dedicate a long weekend to his memory. So kudos to the guys in Grown Up: they’re better men than I am.
2 -- Grown Ups
Let he who has never sported a 20-piece KFC bucket cast the first stone.

Jack and Jill
The cast: Adam Sandler, Katie Holmes, Al Pacino
The Showcase synopsis: “Family guy Jack Sadelstein prepares for the annual event he dreads: the Thanksgiving visit of his twin sister, the needy and passive-aggressive Jill.”

Listen: your pals here at Showcase aren’t delusional: we know this isn’t a great movie. Or even a good movie for that matter. It holds a 3% rating on Rotten Tomatoes, making it one of the most vilified flicks in recent history. But human beings are innately intrigued by things we find either incredibly amazing or unbelievably awful. It’s encoded in our RNA sequencing. So don’t even act like you won’t watch ever g-darn second of Jack and Jill. Because biology suggests otherwise.
3 -- Jack and Jill
Left to right: Adam Sandler, soul-crushed child, Adam Sandler.

Goodnight for Justice 2: Measure of a Man
The cast: Luke Perry, Cameron Bright, Stefanie von Pfetten
The Showcase synopsis: “Judge John Goodnight attempts to unveil the truth about the Spradling gang.”

I’ve always thought Luke Perry would make an exceptional 19th century circuit court judge. Even back in his 90210 days. The man was simply born to arbitrate, bro.
4 -- Goodnight for Justice 2
Above: Luke Perry, being all judgy.

That’s My Boy
The cast: Adam Sandler, Andy Samberg, Leighton Meester
The Showcase synopsis: “While in his teens, Donny fathered a son, Todd, and raised him as a single parent. Now, after not seeing each other for years, Todd’s world comes crashing down when Donny resurfaces just before his wedding.”

This film has a 20% rating on Rotten Tomatoes. Which may not sound like much, but when you crunch the numbers, this makes it 6.6 times better than Jack and Jill. You can’t argue with math.
5 -- That's My Boy
“Dad, I may have inadvertently just messed with the Zohan.”

Murder in My House
The cast: Barbara Niven, Gary Hudson, Daniel J. Travanti
The Showcase synopsis: “When Lauren and her father Stan, a retired prosecutor, move to Philadelphia to start a new life, they think they’ve found the perfect house in the perfect neighbourhood. But they soon realize nothing could be further from the truth.”

Not to be an armchair realtor, but agents should really be more transparent about selling homes that are, you know, all murdery and such. It’s just the professional thing to do – even if they bury the information in a passing comment. “The fixtures are in working order, these are the original oak hardwood floors, and a schoolteacher was once disemboweled in the pantry – now if you look over here…”
6 -- Murder in My House
“Suck it, murder – you in MAH house!” 

Beauty and the Beast returns this Sunday!

How nice is it to kick-off summer with six new episodes of Beauty and the Beast! To refresh, at the end of 216 “About Last Night” Cat had dumped Gabe, only to go home to find her true love Vincent waiting for her on her roof. They are back together for all of ONE roll in the hay when there is a knock at the door. Vincent is hauled off to jail and Cat is left to pick up the pieces.

The first of the remaining Season 2 episodes “Beast is the New Black” airs this Sunday at 8e/p, which picks up where we left off. For fun, here is a little trivia to test your knowledge of what went down in the first half of the season.

For full show information visit http://www.showcase.ca/beautyandthebeast and be sure to check back for our weekly ‘Beauty and the Beauty’ episode recaps.

This week on Continuum 309 ‘Minute Of Silence’

If you could travel to the past in order to save the future, would you risk losing your life, your family, your future? Law enforcer Kiera Cameron wasn’t given a choice in the year 2077, when a conspiracy sent her over six decades back in time to track down a cell of terrorist/anarchist future-fugitives. In modern-day Vancouver, she’s doing her job and maintaining her cover, and hoping she can eventually get home — if the home she knew still exists. Kiera has learned the hard way that the only time she can trust is now, and it might not be a question of how her dystopian adventure ends so much as when, or if. Watch the full episode here. Below, some highlights. [WARNING: SPOILERS, SPOILERS EVERYWHERE!]

Continuum S03E09-pic2Astonishingly, this parkour sequence was not set to the tune of Van Halen “Jump”

A fascinating and scary year-2077 bookend sequence to this week’s episode of Continuum, as Kiera infiltrates an illegal “citizenship extraction” clinic where people go to be taken off the grid. The citizenship microchips are literally, painfully, physically extracted from the volunteers’ wrists. It’s the umpteenth indication that the future is a dark dystopia, as law enforcer Kiera comments, somewhat obliviously, “I never imagined someone would want to give up the benefits of citizenship, and identity.” As usual, future Kiera fails to see the bigger picture: The very fact that people want to give up their citizenship, their identity, and are in fact willing to break the law to do so, stands as proof enough that all is not right with the world — and that Liber8 might in fact be doing the right things, the wrong way. To a large degree, the citizenship chips represent a massive invasion of personal privacy, and we do see Kiera get an inkling of the ethical/moral quandary this represents. Back in modern-day Vancouver, Kiera and Carlos discover that the entire VCPD precinct has been bugged — not just privacy violated, but the entire police operation. Can the policing system in either era be trusted when following orders makes them little more than under informed puppets?Continuum S03E09-pic3Here’s looking at you, Chief Dylan.

As displaced future “protector” Kiera continues to wrestle with her identity in Continuum Season 3, it’s interesting to see an episode introduce a new character suffering from memory loss — another major identity issue. We’ll call him John Doe, here, as his name has still not been uncovered by episode’s end. Having awakened from a two-month coma in a modern-day Vancouver hospital, Doe can remember one thing only: a name. Not his, but Keira’s. Summoned to the hospital, Kiera studies him and even her future tech yields no information. As the episode moves forward, she (and we) begin to suspect that Doe is indeed from Kiera’s far-future timeline. The question is not only how he came to 2014 but also why. He seems to be military-trained, and he seems to be a family man; he also just vibes trustworthiness (and, I’m sure numerous fans are wondering, reciprocated attraction with the also-married Kiera). Given the nature of the year-2077 “citizenship extraction” bookends in this episode, we have to also wonder if Doe is tied to the illegal clinic. Though he looks like the doctor in the clinic, he is not in fact that person — unless he is the doctor, in someone else’s body?
Continuum S03E09-pic4
Kiera begins to “trust” John Doe: Would a hollow man carry a hologram of his family?

Modern-day tech theft has been a big plot point in this season of Continuum, and this episode sees a superb thief parkour his way into (intentionally ironically named) the Hyper Stealth corporation, where he steals an invisibility cloak. He next uses that cloak to break into Piron and steal Alec’s Halo project right out from under the genius’ nose. Alec realizes that both projects were originally paramilitary, now converted to public use, and both were also developed by a Vancouver company called WCIT Alpha Labs. I suspect we’ll be hearing more about this company as the season heads towards its finale. Meanwhile, recently shown young (and dead) Kiera by the grief-wracked Carlos, Alec realizes that the solution to his tech troubles lies…in the base of the neck of Kiera’s corpse. On a chilling note, the episode ends with Alec extracting what might be a citizenship chip, or might be something far, far more complicated. In fact, my money’s on the latter. My money’s also on this being a turning point for young Alec — in the direction of evil year-2077 Alec.
Continuum S03E09-pic5
Alec finds out that the “young” (and deceased) Kiera had a chip in her neck (so: not just on her shoulder)

Follow the Twitter hashtag #AlecVsKellog to see how fans are reacting to this episode! Watch new episodes of Continuum Sundays at 10PM ET/PT.

Weekend Movies: Bourne, Rambo, Bond, and a Dash of Salt

Space Twister – Friday, May 23, 7pm ET
Labyrinth Part 2 of 2 MOW – Friday, May 23, 10pm ET
Salt – Saturday, May 24, 12am, 4am, and 1:30pm ET
Rambo – Saturday, May 24, 2am and 10pm ET
Quantum of Solace – Sat. May 24, 11am and 3:30pm, Sun. May 25, 12am ET
Toxic Skies – Saturday, May 24, 6pm ET
Malibu Shark Attack – Saturday, May 24, 8pm ET
The Bourne Identity – Sunday, May 25, 2:30am and 1:30pm ET
The Edge of the Garden – Sunday, May 25, 11:30am and 6pm ET
The Bourne Supremacy – Sunday, May 25, 4pm ET

Space Twister
The cast: David Sutcliffe, Mitch Pileggi, Erica Cerra
The Showcase synopsis: “As mysterious red cyclones begin tearing up a small American town, a reluctant teenage science prodigy and his father, along with a small band of high school delinquents, must re-engineer a science fair project to thwart the disaster.”

Here’s some beautiful wisdom my dear old grandmother once passed onto me. “Steven,” she said, “Tornadoes may be sucky when they originate on Earth, but they’re even suckier when they swoop in from outer space.” Such a sage woman she was. 1 -- Space Twister
The Aurora Borealis has been a real d*ck lately.

The cast: Angelina Jolie, Liev Schreiber
The Showcase synopsis: “A CIA agent goes on the run after a defector accuses her of being a Russian spy.”

Were I a CIA agent who wanted to start spying for other countries, I’d rule out Russia pretty quickly. Too obvious, man. Plus, it wouldn’t be very patriotic to give America’s secrets to our former Cold War enemy. Instead, I’d spy for a country like Iceland. Or maybe New Zealand. As if those guys would even know what to do with highly-classified U.S. intel. Pfft.
2 -- Salt
An outtake from ‘Salt’ where Angie shoots the first A.D.

The cast: Sylvester Stallone, Julie Benz
The Showcase synopsis: “John Rambo joins a group of mercenaries to venture into war-torn Burma and rescue Christian aid workers kidnapped by a ruthless local infantry unit.”

Stick the letter ‘t’ at the end of this badass flick and you’ve got an entirely different story, my man. Rambot! He’s a robotic supersoldier who beats the sauce out of Burmese terrorists with his iron skull and electrified fists of metallic awesomeness. Then he breakdances away, ‘cause that’s what robots do.
3 -- Rambo
Rambo is incredibly accurate at point-blank range.

Malibu Shark Attack
The cast: Renee Bowen, Remi Broadway, Joel Amos Byrnes
The Showcase synopsis: “When a tsunami floods Malibu, it brings with it a hunting pack of deep-water, prehistoric goblin sharks that go after the lifeguards in their half-submerged station on stilts and a team of construction workers stranded in a flooded house.”

The biggest tragedy in this movie isn’t the lost lives. It’s what these countless shark attacks do to Malibu’s property value. Please, a moment of silence for those lost millions.
4 -- Malibu Shark Attack
For legal reasons, we don’t refer to the shark’s mouth as its ‘jaws.’

The Edge of the Garden
The cast: Rob Estes, Sarah Manninen, David Lewis
The Showcase synopsis: “After moving into an abandoned country house, newly single Brian Connor begins to communicate with a woman who died there 50 years earlier.”

Whenever I move into a new place, I immediately poke around to see if there’s some errant ghost I can date. It’s kinda convenient, you know? They’re already living there, they don’t hog the bathroom, and they’re not gonna nag me to go see Les Miz for the 20th g-damn time (ghosts hate Les Miz).
5 -- The Edge of the Garden
Another satisfied GhostDate.com couple.

The Bourne Supremacy
The cast: Matt Damon, Franka Potente, Joan Allen
The Showcase synopsis: “When Jason Bourne is framed for a botched CIA operation he is forced to take up his former life as a trained assassin to survive.”

Not unlike Salt, Jason Bourne is a CIA operative accused of doing stuff he didn’t actually do. Geez, you’d figure the CIA would eventually create the Department Of Checking To Confirm Employees Aren’t Actually Traitors Just Because Some Random Dude Said They Were. Just an idea, ya know?
6 -- The Bourne Supremacy
Filmed entirely in Crosshair-vision!  

Weekend Movies: Superheroes, Jet Streams, and Giant Sink Holes

Metal Shifters – Friday, May 16, 7pm ET
G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra – Friday, May 16, 10pm, Saturday, May 17, 2:30am ET
Contagion – Saturday, May 17, 12:30am ET
Star Trek – Saturday, May 17, 10:30am, 3:30pm, and 10pm ET
Thor – Saturday, May 17, 1pm, plus Sunday, May 18, 12:30am and 10:30am ET
Hurricane Hunters – Saturday, May 17, 6pm ET
The Philadelphia Experiment – Saturday, May 17, 8pm ET
X-Men: The Last Stand – Sunday, May 18, 3am and 1pm ET
Super 8 – Sunday, May 18, 3:30pm and 10pm ET
Sink Hole – Sunday, May 18, 6pm ET
Jet Stream – Sunday, May 18, 8pm ET

G.I. Joe: The Rise of Cobra
The Cast: Dennis Quaid, Channing Tatum, Marlon Wayans
The Showcase synopsis: “An elite military unit comprised of special operatives known as G.I. Joe, operating out of The Pit, takes on an evil organization led by a notorious arms dealer.”

Did you know the ‘G.I.’ in ‘G.I. Joe’ stands for ‘gastrointestinal’? In fact, this film is primarily about a fellow named Joseph who suffers from debilitating stomach cramps after a day at the county fair. Okay, I may have made that up. Or did I? The only way to find out is to tune in this weekend.
1 -- GI Joe The Rise of Cobra
Too many hoagies.

Star Trek
The cast: Chris Pine, Zachary Quinto, Leonard Nimoy
The Showcase synopsis: “Brash young James T. Kirk tries to live up to his father’s legacy as a vengeful, time-traveling Romulan creates black holes to destroy the Federation one planet at a time.”

The original 1960s Star Trek series was great. Although admittedly its go-to scenario involved a bunch of folks in blue and yellow uniforms staring off at a screen while looking kind of intense. Sure, this worked nicely for 73 episodes, but let’s face it: present-day audiences want more razzle dazzle. That’s where the 2009 franchise reboot comes into play. This time around there’s way more action. And I’m not just talking about Kirk getting it on with Uhura’s green college roommate – bah-ZING!
2 -- Star Trek
“Are my roots showing? Be honest.”

The Philadelphia Experiment
The cast: Nicholas Lea, Michael Paré, Ryan Robbins
The Showcase synopsis: “A secret government research project tries reviving the World War II “Philadelphia Experiment,” which was an attempt to create a cloaking device to render warships invisible.”

For the record, this is a very different film than The Philadelphia Story. The latter doesn’t have nearly as much invisibility and time travel. Don’t say we didn’t tell you.
3 -- The Philadelphia Experiment
Sure, these six things happen. But in which order??

Super 8
The cast: Elle Fanning, AJ Michalka, Kyle Chandler
The Showcase synopsis: “During the summer of 1979, a group of friends witness a train crash and investigate subsequent unexplained events in their small town.”

I caught this film at a drive-in a couple of years back, and it was all sorts of Spielberg-inspired fun. In fact, my only complaint is the title: a movie this good should be called Super Duper 8.
4 -- Super 8

Sink Hole
The cast: Eric Roberts, Gina Holden, Jeremy London
The Showcase synopsis: “Los Angeles panics when a giant sink hole begins to envelop the entire city and a tremendous pace. With no escape from the city, it’s up to one geologist to save the lives of millions.”

I refer you to what I wrote the last time we aired Sink Hole: “I don’t know what to tell you here – there’s like, zero info about this movie online. I think it came out in 2013, and it probably stars Eric Roberts. I checked with IMDB and they were all like, “Bro, you’re on your own, here.” But hey, that just adds to the mystery, right? What I do know for sure is there’s a giant g-darn sinkhole at risk of swallowing up Los Angeles. Will this affect traffic? Something tells me the locals won’t notice.”
5 -- Sink Hole
Above: a sink. With holes. That’s all I’ve got.

Jet Stream
The cast: David Chokachi, Ruth Kearney, Steven Hartley
The Showcase synopsis: “A series of inexplicable jet streams suddenly appear over the Rocky Mountains. It’s up to a scientist and TV weatherman to stop the 500MPH winds from combining before they destroy Portland Oregon.”

The world is coming to an end! And by ‘the world’ I mean Portland, Oregon. But still, those are some pretty high stakes. And let’s be frank: 500mph winds are nothing to sneeze at. Fortunately, a TV weatherman is coming to the rescue. They’re good at this kind of thing, ya see. So far as I know.
6 -- Jet Stream
For some reason, this romantic boudoir scene is in ‘Jet Stream.’  

This Week on Continuum 308 ‘So Do Our Minutes Hasten’

If you could travel to the past in order to save the future, would you risk losing your life, your family, your future? Law enforcer Kiera Cameron wasn’t given a choice in the year 2077, when a conspiracy sent her over six decades back in time to track down a cell of terrorist/anarchist future-fugitives. In modern-day Vancouver, she’s doing her job and maintaining her cover, and hoping she can eventually get home — if the home she knew still exists. Kiera has learned the hard way that the only time she can trust is now, and it might not be a question of how her dystopian adventure ends so much as when, or if. Watch the full episode here (video features an embedded webisode and behind-the-scenes bonus content). Below, some highlights. [WARNING: SPOILERS, SPOILERS EVERYWHERE!]
Continuum S03E08-pic2
Smile, you’re on Kellog camera: Alec isn’t the only person spying on others — he just thinks he is

“You’re not the only one who gets to take a leap for what she believes in.” Powerful words, and inspiring. Alas, they are being used as a reprimand. The latest episode of Continuum begins in 2077, where future Kiera is forced to arrest her mother, who was attending a peaceful gathering of citizens. As in many a dystopian scenario, the powers-that-be — for whom Kiera works as a “Protector” (police officer) — don’t like too many citizens talking amongst themselves. Being escorted to jail, Kiera’s mother questions her daughter’s blind loyalty to the system, and points out that Kiera used to think for herself. Flash backwards to 2014 Vancouver, where Kiera is researching the mass murder of the 12 top executives at the Fermitas corporation. Every lead, right down to the unique weapons signature, points to Liber8 being behind the attack. But, her mother’s words echoing in her head subconsciously, she finds herself attempting to exhonorate the very criminals she came back in time to arrest. Numerous people in this episode will ask Kiera if she has become a Liber8 sympathizer; she does not know the answer herself.
Continuum S03E08-pic3
Garza vs. Neelon: Yes, you’re rooting for Liber8 here, very specifically the lesser of two evils

Like any good protagonist, Kiera’s problem is morality and ethics. She has too much of both, and is always willing to give the traditional “villain” characters the benefit of the doubt. It’s not so much that she sees the good in everyone as that she understands not everything is black and white, cut and dry. Still, the possibility remains that she will eventually become Liber8’d. Given the sales job that Kagame pulled in the previous episode, it would make “sense”; but, behind the scenes in the same episode, Kagame was revealed as the terrorist he is, causing the deaths of hundreds of innocent people only in the name of furthering his cause. And in the further future, where S01E01 began, he is the cause of the death of tens of thousands. Even if his “little picture” works, his “big picture” doesn’t. What’s on his side, and Liber8’s, is time. In this season, it seems that with every corner Kiera turns, she only finds more corporate/capitalist corruption.
Continuum S03E08-pic4
Adele and Carlos: Kid you not, here is the word he is saying in this shot: “No.”

Indeed, corporations themselves are the villains in this particular episode: one essentially hired an assassin to cut off the head of the other, for purposes of takeover (corrollary: Kiera was right — Liber8 was indeed framed). Meanwhile, Alec lies to his own corporate sponsors in order to further the research on a device he believes will benefit humanity; but, in lying, he has already tainted it, and we suspect that in the far future, that very device might end up abused by Alec and the Corporate Committee. Even the police are not immune: the 2014 VCPD is being sponsored by a corporation, and Kiera and Carlos are beginning to suspect that Chief Dylan is working for the wrong higher-up. Understandable, then, that Kiera, surrounded by lies, plots and corruption, might begin to sympathize with Liber8. And, of course, the episode’s finale might just push her over the edge: fellow officer Betty, an identified Liber8 mole, regains the trust of Kiera and Carlos, only to be gunned down in the street by the corporate assassin. The idea that she might start to see Liber8 as the good guys in the past only — not/never the future — is not as crazy as it sounds. Like “old” Alec who went back in time one week to “fix” things (and who is currently under timeline-removal house arrest by The Freelancers), I suspect that Kiera is starting to wonder if she can change the future by changing the past: work with Liber8 in 2014 to prevent not just the dystopia of 2077, but Liber8 itself becoming a terrorist organization.
Continuum S03E08-pic5
Kiera and Betty: The beginning of the end; here’s hoping Kiera can learn from Betty, moving forward, before it’s too late

Follow the Twitter hashtag #LearningFromBetty to see how fans are reacting to this episode! Watch new episodes of Continuum Sundays at 10PM ET/PT.

Weekend Movies: Aliens Love Virgins

Stonehenge Apocalypse – Friday, May 9, 7pm ET
District 9 – Friday, May 9, 10pm, plus Saturday, May 10, 3am ET
Mission: Impossible III – Saturday, May 10, 12:30am ET
Crazy, Stupid, Love. – Saturday, May 10, 11am, 3:30pm, and 10pm ET
No Strings Attached – Sat. May 10, 1:30pm, Sunday, May 11, 12:30am & 2:30am
Wedding Chapel – Saturday, May 10, 6pm ET
Kiss at Pine Lake – Saturday, May 10, 8pm ET
Restless Virgins – Sunday, May 11, 10am and 6pm ET

Stonehenge Apocalypse
The Cast: Misha Collins, Torri Higginson, Peter Wingfield
The Showcase synopsis: “When a group of archaeologists dig up a human skeleton near the historical monument of Stonehenge, an ancient piece of machinery hidden beneath the bedrock is triggered, starting a chain of events that may end the world.”

This is why I never visit tourist attractions: more often than not they’re booby-trapped with ancient gizmos that’ll go off at the slightest provocation. Who wants to drop $1500 on a trip to jolly ol’ England only to be vaporized by a buncha old rocks? Not THIS guy! I’ll spend my vacation at the corner pub, thanks very much.
1 -- Stonehenge Apocalypse
A few dryer sheets would make all the difference.

District 9
The cast: Sharlto Copley, David James, Jason Cope
The Showcase synopsis: “An extraterrestrial race forced to live in slum-like conditions on Earth suddenly finds a kindred spirit in a government agent who is exposed to their biotechnology.”

Can you believe they haven’t made a sequel to this yet? District 9 came out five years ago, was a massive success on a modest budget, and pretty much turned the space alien genre on its little green head. Oh, and at the risk of being obvious, it’s one hell of a movie too. Is there some sort of letter-writing campaign we can start? Hmm, actually, that sounds like a lot of work. Maybe a few well-placed tweets? Yeah, way easier.
2 -- District 9
That shovel had better be in the sequel or Lord help me.

Mission: Impossible III
The cast: Tom Cruise, Michelle Monaghan, Ving Rhames
The Showcase synopsis: “Ethan Hunt comes face to face with a dangerous and sadistic arms dealer while trying to keep his identity secret in order to protect his girlfriend.”

Ethan Hunt is a busy guy, so my suggestion: don’t bother him with missions that are possible. Or even probable, for that matter. Such tasks are far below his skill set. Yep, Ethan only takes on the impossible missions. In fact, he won’t even get out of bed for a mission any simpler than ‘seriously unlikely.’
3 -- Mission Impossible III
These guys: always clowning around.

Crazy, Stupid, Love.
The cast: Steve Carell, Ryan Gosling, Julianne Moore, Emma Stone
The Showcase synopsis: “A middle-aged husband’s life changes dramatically when his wife asks him for a divorce. He seeks to rediscover his manhood with the help of a newfound friend, Jacob, learning to pick up girls at bars.”

The key to picking up women at bars? According to dude-centric books, it’s all about ‘negging’ them. In other words, you’re supposed to be all negative in their presence, by saying stuff like, “Hey, I’m totally not into you,” and, “You kinda look like my mom.” Then they’ll be all confused and will immediately fall in love with you. Trust me, it works 100% of the time (provided you look 100% like Ryan Gosling, otherwise don’t remotely consider this approach).
4 -- Crazy, Stupid, Love
“Hey gurrrrrrl…”

No Strings Attached
The cast: Natalie Portman, Ashton Kutcher, Kevin Kline
The Showcase synopsis: “A guy and girl try to keep their relationship strictly physical, but it’s not long before they learn they want something more.”

Okay, it also works if you look 100% like Ashton Kutcher.
5 -- No Strings Attached
“I’m not into you and you totally look like my mom.”

Restless Virgins
The cast: Vanessa Marano, Max Lloyd-Jones, Charlie Carver
The Showcase synopsis: “When a school newspaper editor discovers five senior members of the lacrosse team made a sex tape with a classmate, she blows the lid off the controversy by releasing the tape virally. Inspired by a true story.”

I spent a couple of years working for my school’s newspaper, and I’ll be honest: I never got to break a story this big. Not even close. Mostly I’d do reviews for really lame records. For no pay. Well okay, I got to keep the records I reviewed. But still, pretty weak, right? Anyhow, watch this movie: it’s got restless virgins in it.
6 -- Restless Virgins
Soooooo restless!  

This week on Continuum 307 ‘Waning Minutes’

If you could travel to the past in order to save the future, would you risk losing your life, your family, your future? Law enforcer Kiera Cameron wasn’t given a choice in the year 2077, when a conspiracy sent her over six decades back in time to track down a cell of terrorist/anarchist future-fugitives. In modern-day Vancouver, she’s doing her job and maintaining her cover, and hoping she can eventually get home — if the home she knew still exists. Kiera has learned the hard way that the only time she can trust is now, and it might not be a question of how her dystopian adventure ends so much as when, or if. Watch the full episode here. Below, some highlights. [WARNING: SPOILERS, SPOILERS EVERYWHERE!]

Continuum S03E07-pic2
The party crashers: Jaworski and Kiera both struggle to remember campfire songs. #Awkward

Here’s an episode the likes of which we’ve never seen on Continuum: one where we spend almost the entire time in Kiera’s future timeline. It’s a terrific twist on the classic late-’50s drama The Defiant Ones, wherein enemies, specifically escaped prisoners, are forced to cooperate because they are chained together; social critique, notably racism, is woven deep into the film’s fabric. In Continuum’s “Waning Minute,” enemies must also work together, though this time they are officer and criminal, and the critique targets capitalism (which has, in essence, caused the future’s downfall). The gist here is that Kiera apprehends the dangerous, homicidal Liber8 member Stefan Jaworski, one of the 10 Most Wanted in the year 2077. En route to remanding Jaworski, their transport ship crashes off-grid, and the two of them are the sole survivors. Immediately apprehended by “Gleaners” — essentially, farmers who do not want to participate in the pure-capitalism SADtech world of “evil” Alec and the Corporate Congress — they are held prisoner together and must decide whether they should, or even can compromise their principles in order to assure mutual survival versus the only other option: mutual death.

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The apple-bombing gang: “evil” Alec and his bald (so, obviously evil) cohort receive a fruit that’s not a blood orange and retaliate by killing 100 farmers. #OverreactMuch?

The amount of character insight in this episode is nothing short of mind-boggling. We meet Liber8 figurehead Kagame and eventual leader Sonya, both during the revolutionary organization’s early days, the latter not even part of the group. Kagame manipulates not just Sonya but also, believe it, Kiera, in the most effective head-screw sequences I’ve seen since Lecter and Starling in The Silence of the Lambs. This episode has taken his character from decent to remarkable, because his words make complete sense — >>I<< could easily join Liber8 after just listening to him — but his simultaneous actions behind the scenes are contemptible (basically: he causes “evil” Alec to bomb, therefore murder, everyone in the Gleaners camp, solely for the purposes of (i) escape and (ii) recruitment). We begin to doubt Kiera even more than we have to date, in a season that has so far been all about doubt. We now wonder if she is a kneejerk authoritarian figure, doing her job because she has been told to do it; a soldier, taking orders, never thinking as an individual. By episode’s end — back in the “past” — Kiera decides that she will no longer answer to anyone, ANYONE, and walks out on at least the Freelancers and possibly everyone. Where she’s headed next is anyone’s guess, but I suspect she realizes that she has made some errors this season and plans to redress them (hence the picture we ran at the top of this post). Which brings me to my next point…
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Catch as catch scan: Kiera gets eye-scanned by the Gleaners, who learn that her bank account is empty and she has four overdue library books. #NoPrivacy

I don’t mind admitting that my mind is reeling after seeing this episode. Particularly, I am wondering about the concept of time being elastic. Consider this: Episode 7 is the exact middle episode in a 13-episode season. Consider this: Including all episodes/seasons to date, no episode has ever opened in the present, spent the full episode in the future, and ended in the present — in fact, any/all episodes that employed this kind of “bookending” technique have gone future-present-future. What I am wondering, then, is whether this season will now bounce back on itself, send everything that has occurred back in the direction from whence it came (or, less literal, undo a lot of what has been done). The reversal deployed here was clearly conscious. But to what end? Share your theories in the Comments!
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No slings, all arrows: Jarowski and Kiera face-off, with the fate of Pangea (don’t worry, her name just means a literally UNITED EARTH) hanging in the balance. #Supercontinent

Follow the Twitter hashtag #KieraAwakens to see how fans are reacting to this episode! Watch new episodes of Continuum Sundays at 10PM ET/PT.

Weekend Movies: Creatures & Pathogens Edition!

Termination Point – Friday, May 2, 7pm ET
King Kong – Friday, May 2, 10pm, plus Saturday, May 3, 2am ET
Infected – Saturday, May 3, 10am and 8pm ET
Contagion – Saturday, May 3, 12pm, 4pm, and 10pm ET
Underworld: Rise of the Lycans – Saturday, May 3, 2pm, Sunday, May 4, 12am ET
Seeds of Destruction – Saturday, May 3, 6pm ET
War Of The Worlds – Sunday, May 4, 2am and 3:30pm ET
Burden of Evil MOW – Sunday, May 4, 11am and 6pm ET
Battle Los Angeles – Sunday, May 4, 1pm ET

King Kong
The Cast: Naomi Watts, Jack Black, Adrien Brody
The Showcase synopsis: “An overly ambitious movie producer coerces his cast and ship crew to travel to mysterious Skull Island, where they encounter Kong, a giant ape who is immediately smitten with leading lady Ann Darrow.”

T’was beauty that killed the beast. But more accurately, it was that 1200-ft. drop from the Empire State Building. Sure, we all know the ending, but King Kong is about the journey. And the monkey love. So much monkey love.
1 -- King Kong
Spoiler alert: that’s Kong on the right.

The cast: Gil Bellows, Maxim Roy, Bruce Dinsmore
The Showcase synopsis: “When finding themselves in the middle of an alien conspiracy where humans are being poisoned and impregnated with Alien larvae, a couple must put their past behind them and work together to save mankind.”

Alternate titles: They’re Among Us and The Hatching. I’m beginning to hit an age where I won’t watch a film unless it goes under at least three different names. I’m a consumer, dammit, and I demand options. Rest assured, Infected delivers on those options, and I respect it all the more. Plus, it’s a delightful romp about Alien larvae impregnation.
2 -- Infected
Trivia: the markings on her face double as the Madrid subway map. To scale!

The cast: Matt Damon, Kate Winslet, Jude Law
The Showcase synopsis: “Contagion follows the rapid progress of a lethal airborne virus that kills within days. As the fast-moving epidemic grows, the worldwide medical community races to find a cure and control the panic that spreads faster than the virus itself.”

It’s a Steven Soderbergh flick! And Matt Damon’s in it! So think of it as Ocean’s Eleven, only with a deadly global epidemic instead of a group of charming casino burglars. Otherwise, totes the same!
3 -- Contagion
“Ma’am, are you satisfied with your current contagion provider?”

Seeds of Destruction
The cast: Adrian Pasdar, Stefanie von Pfetten, Jesse Moss The Showcase synopsis: “When seeds from the Garden of Eden are spilled and intoxicated by our polluted environment, the plant that grows becomes a deadly mass of foliage.”

Sure, we all say we love nature, but the moment we turn our backs it becomes a high-maintenance son-of-a-gun bent on destroying us. Not cool, nature. After all we’ve done for you?
4 -- Seeds of Destruction
Left to right: heartland, storm.

War Of The Worlds
The cast: Tom Cruise, Dakota Fanning, Tim Robbins
The Showcase synopsis: “As Earth is invaded by alien tripod fighting machines, one family fights for survival.”

There are at least 100 planets in the universe (conservative estimate). So it kinda pisses me off when aliens come here to jack our stuff. Fortunately, we’ve got Tom Cruise on our side, and nobody’s warded off more aliens than him. Okay, by aliens we mean ‘thetans,’ which are more like the ghosts of aliens. But you don’t get to OT VII without breaking a few eggs, am I right?
5 -- War Of The Worlds

Burden of Evil MOW
The cast: Natalie Zea, Michael Ironside, Ron Lea
The Showcase synopsis: “When the daughter of a powerful senator is kidnapped by a psychopath, a tortured homicide detective – whose husband was also a victim – is chosen to head up the case.”

No aliens, monkeys, or pathogens in this movie. Just a good old-fashioned ‘detective vs. psychopath’ tale. Think of this film as a delightful palate cleanser!
6 -- Burden of Evil
When left untreated, a burden of evil can lead to unsightly frown lines.